When Someone You Love is Hurting: A Catholic Guide to Accompaniment
- Guest Contributor
- 16 hours ago
- 5 min read
Learn how to recognize the signs of emotional, physical and spiritual struggle in those you love, and how to reflect Jesus’ mercy with practical, faith-filled support.
By Matt Reinhardt, MA, MS, LPC
Fully Alive Counseling
When someone we care about is struggling, it can be challenging to know how to respond. As Catholics, we are called to reflect Christ’s love and mercy, walking alongside others with compassion and humility, just as Jesus did in his encounters with those in need.
He sought out Zacchaeus, a tax collector shunned by society, and transformed his heart by dining with him (Luke 19:1-10). He restored Peter after his betrayal, gently asking, “Do you love me?” to renew his purpose (John 21:15-19). He defended the woman caught in adultery, offering mercy over judgment (John 8:1-11). And he appeared to Saul, a persecutor of Christians, on the road to Damascus, turning his life toward grace (Acts 9:1-19).
These examples show how Jesus met people in their struggles with love and hope, inviting us to do the same. Recognizing the signs that a loved one is going through a tough time and offering meaningful support can make a profound difference in their lives. This article explores how to identify those signs and provides practical, faith-filled steps to guide your outreach, helping you become a source of hope and healing.
Recognizing the Signs of Struggle
Identifying when a loved one is struggling requires attentiveness, patience and a heart like that of Christ’s. Often, the signs are subtle, woven into daily routines, emotions or spiritual practices. By staying attuned to these changes, you can offer support before challenges escalate.
Emotional and Behavioral Indicators
Withdrawal from Social Activities: A loved one pulls back from family gatherings, church events or hobbies they once cherished.
Expressions of Hopelessness: Phrases like “What’s the point?”, “I’m just so tired of everything,” or other cries for connection and understanding.
Mood Changes: Persistent sadness, irritability, anger or anxiety that feels out of character. For example, a friend who is usually warm and talkative but becomes withdrawn or snaps at small things.
Changes in Communication: Texts go unanswered, calls are avoided, or conversations lack enthusiasm. For example, a sibling who once shared funny stories might now give short, guarded responses, or they might withdraw altogether from family communications and functions.
Physical and Practical Signs
Neglect of Self-Care: Changes in appearance like unkempt clothing, significant weight changes or chronic fatigue. For example, a colleague who once dressed sharply but now appears disheveled.
Disrupted Routines: Missing work, neglecting household chores or skipping meals. For example, if your neighbor’s usually tidy yard becomes overgrown.
Escapism Behaviors: Turning to alcohol, overeating, other substances or excessive media watching or scrolling. For example, a loved one who is constantly checking out on their phone, endlessly scrolling through social media, binge-watching shows or drinking heavily after work.
Spiritual Signs
Disengagement from Faith: No longer attending Mass, praying or engaging in spiritual practices. For instance, a parent who once led a family Rosary but now avoids it.
Questioning Faith: Expressions of anger and confusion toward God, or a loss of trust in his plan, such as “Why is God letting this happen?”.
By noticing these signs with care and prayerful discernment, you can approach your loved one with sensitivity, creating a space where they feel safe to share. Jesus himself gives us a masterclass in how to do this with his encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4).
Tangible Steps to Offer Support
Once you’ve identified that a loved one is struggling, the next step is reaching out with love, practicality and faith. Here are actionable ways to help, grounded in the Catholic call to charity and accompaniment.
Approach with Empathy and Prayer
Before reaching out, turn to prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and compassion to guide your words and actions. A prayer like, “Lord, help me be your hands and heart for this person,” or the “Come Holy Spirit” prayer can align your intentions with God’s grace.
Start Small: Begin with a gentle, non-intrusive check-in, such as, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit down lately. I’m here if you need me.” This opens the door without pressuring them to share immediately.
Listen Without Judgment: If they open up, listen actively. Maintain eye contact, nod and let them speak without interruption. Reflect their feelings back, e.g., “It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now.” This shows you’re truly present.
Avoid Clichés: Phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Just stay positive” can feel dismissive and minimize their pain. Instead, affirm their experience: “I’m so sorry you’re going through this — it sounds incredibly hard.”
Offer Practical Help
Small acts of service can lighten their load and show your care in tangible ways. Tailor your help to their specific needs to make it meaningful.
Provide a Meal: Cook a comforting dish, like a homemade soup or casserole, or send a gift card for their favorite takeout.
Help with Tasks: Offer to run errands, watch their children or help with household chores. A simple, “I’m heading to the store — can I grab anything for you?” can make a big difference. These small gestures can remind them they’re not alone and can reflect the face of God for them.
Encourage Spiritual Connection
As Catholics, we know faith can be a wellspring of hope during tough times. Gently encourage your loved one to lean into their spiritual life, respecting their emotional and spiritual readiness.
Invite to Mass or Prayer: Suggest attending Mass together or praying a novena for their intentions. Gifting them a prayer journal, a Rosary or books on prayer could encourage their own prayer life.
Share Scripture or Saints: Offer a comforting Bible verse, like Psalm 23 (“The Lord is my shepherd”), or share the story of St. Dymphna, patroness of mental health, whose intercession can bring peace. You may also want to make your prayer for them personalized by praying to the saint they are named after or their Confirmation saint.
Respect Their Pace: If they’re not ready to engage spiritually, don’t push. Simply say, “I’m praying for you,” and let your fervent prayer and quiet witness plant and water seeds of hope.
Connect Them to Resources
Sometimes, professional or community support is necessary. Guide them toward helpful resources.
Suggest Counseling: If their struggles seem overwhelming, gently recommend a Catholic therapist. For example, “Have you considered talking to someone? I can help you find a counselor who shares our faith.”
Point to Parish Resources: Many parishes offer support groups, Stephen Ministry or pastoral counseling. Share contact details for your parish’s outreach programs or look into the resources their parish might have to make it easy for them to connect.
Encourage Community: Invite them to a parish event, like a Bible study or a potluck dinner, to help them feel connected.
Follow Up Consistently
Support is a journey, not a single moment. Show your loved one you’re committed for the long haul.
Check In Regularly: Send a text or call every few days: “Just thinking of you — how’s your day going?” These small gestures keep the connection alive.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge progress, no matter how small, like attending a parish event or managing a tough day. For example, “I’m so proud you made it to the prayer group today — that’s a big step.”
Be Patient: Healing takes time. Continue offering support without expecting quick resolutions, trusting God’s timing!
A Faith-Filled Approach to Accompaniment
As Catholics, we’re called to walk with others as Christ did — meeting them where they are with love, humility and mercy. By recognizing the signs of struggle and responding with practical, compassionate support, you can help your loved one feel seen, valued and cared for. Root your efforts in prayer, trusting that God is working through you to bring hope and healing. As Matthew 25:40 reminds us, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Your acts of kindness, no matter how small, can be a beacon of Christ’s light in their darkness.
