Preparing for Heaven: A Catholic Approach to End-of-Life Conversations
- Catholic Charities
- 7 hours ago
- 4 min read
How to talk with our parents — and ourselves — about death with love, sensitivity and faith
By Lisa Smith, MA, LPCC
Outpatient Therapist
St. Raphael Counseling, a ministry of Catholic Charities
Death is one of life’s few certainties, yet one of the hardest realities to face. Even as people of faith who believe in eternal life, many of us struggle to confront our own mortality — or the thought of losing our parents. Pope Francis once said, “Death is not the end but rather the beginning of something. It is a new beginning … because eternal life … is beginning something that will never end.” But emotionally, that truth can be hard to live with.
From a psychological standpoint, avoidance is a natural response. We are wired to protect life, not contemplate its end. Yet avoiding these conversations can prevent the peace that comes from honest preparation. When faith and psychology meet, we can see end-of-life discussions not as morbid but as sacred opportunities for love, connection, and healing.
Facing the Reality
In counseling, I often hear, “I don’t want to think about that yet.” Beneath that resistance lies anxiety — the fear that naming death somehow brings it closer. But as Catholics, we know that remembering death is not dark; it is holy. On Ash Wednesday, we hear, “Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” These words do not frighten us. They reorient our hearts toward what matters most: loving God and one another while we still can.
The saints often spoke of memento mori, “remember your death,” not as gloom but as grace. To recall our mortality is to live more intentionally, forgiving quickly, loving deeply and trusting fully.
Why Preparing Matters
Preparation, both spiritual and practical, brings peace. Avoidance, by contrast, breeds anxiety and conflict — especially within families.
Preparing for death means more than making wills or funeral plans. It also means preparing our hearts: seeking reconciliation, expressing love and sharing our faith. These conversations can draw families closer, easing burdens when loss comes.
From a Catholic lens, this is an act of stewardship. Our lives are gifts entrusted to us; living — and dying — well honors the Giver.
Beginning the Conversation with Parents
Bringing up end-of-life topics can feel daunting. Many aging parents resist because they associate it with loss of control or fear. The goal is not to force the conversation but to open space for it.
Begin with love, not logistics.You might say, “Mom, I want to make sure I honor your wishes someday. Can we talk about what’s most important to you?” Framing it as an act of love rather than paperwork softens defenses.
Ask open-ended, story-centered questions.Try: “What memories or traditions do you hope we keep alive?” or “What would bring you peace at the end of life?” Questions like these invite meaning, not just details.
Invite faith into the dialogue.Prayer can open hearts: “Lord, help us to talk about these things with peace, knowing you hold our lives in your hands.” This reframes death as a sacred passage, not a fearful unknown.
Take it slowly.You may not cover everything at once. Let the initial discussion be gentle; later, you can discuss practical matters, such as power of attorney or funeral preferences.
When You Don’t Want to Talk About It Either
Sometimes it is not our parents who avoid the topic — it is us. Facing their mortality often means facing our own. If that feels overwhelming, start by showing compassion to yourself.
Pray simply:“Lord, help me trust you with my life and with the lives of those I love. Teach me to face death with faith, not fear.”
Journaling can also help move unspoken fears into reflection. Write about what you hope for, what you fear and where you see God in it. Scripture offers comfort: “Nothing can separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:38-39) and “In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places” (John 14:2).
Guidance from counseling is also helpful. At St. Raphael Counseling, we help individuals explore these questions through both psychology and faith — offering a space where vulnerability is met with compassion and hope.
Living Intentionally in the Face of Mortality
Preparing for death is, paradoxically, a call to live more intentionally. As one client said, “My father’s decline wasn’t just a loss — it was our last chance to live well together.”
Consider these invitations:
Reflect on legacy. What values and stories of faith do you want to leave behind?
Seek reconciliation. Forgiveness — given or received — is often the most healing gift.
Deepen prayer. Include petitions such as, “Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.”
Practice gratitude. A daily habit of thanksgiving helps us meet the end with peace.
Serve others. Self-giving love prepares us for heaven more than any plan ever could.
Catholic Hope: Death as Transformation
Ultimately, conversations about death are conversations about hope. The Catechism reminds us that “death is transformed by Christ…the obedience of Jesus transformed the curse of death into a blessing.” (CCC 1009).
When we prepare for death — our own or a loved one’s — we are not giving up on life. We are choosing to live it with purpose, peace and readiness to meet God face-to-face.
So perhaps the question is not, “How do I talk about death?” but rather, “How can I live now so that I am ready to meet the Lord whenever he calls me home?”
May we approach that question with courage, tenderness and faith, trusting that every ending in Christ is truly a beginning.
Recommended Catholic Resources
We Are the Lord’s: A Catholic Guide to Difficult End-of-Life Questions by Fr. Jeffrey Kirby, TAN Books
To Die Well: A Catholic Neurosurgeon’s Guide to the End of Life by Dr. Stephen Doran, Ignatius Press
Catholic Guide to End-of-Life Decisions, National Catholic Bioethics Center
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Lisa Smith, MA, is an outpatient therapist at St. Raphael Counseling in Denver. She accompanies individuals and families through transitions, grief and faith journeys, helping them discover healing and hope through Christ-centered care.
