How My Son with Down Syndrome and Autism Taught Me the Secret to Peace

From lost remotes to deeper faith, my son is teaching me to let go of control and find God’s peace in even the most unexpected places — like the ice dispenser.

(Photo provided)

By Meg Stout

Like all parents, my husband and I have learned a great deal from our children about life. But Paul, having Down Syndrome and Autism, has been my best teacher.

Paul cycles through different quirky habits. Imagine pouring yourself a nice drink. You take a sip, place it on the counter and walk a few steps away to do, well, anything. The next thing you know, Paul is dumping your drink into the sink. Nary a cup is ever left sitting out, which makes for a tidy countertop, but a sink full of dishes, a bunch of thirsty children and a dearth of clean cups. Looking for the book you left on the coffee table (or your phone, or a notepad, or…)? It’s usually placed far under a couch or out of reach on top of a cabinet, but sometimes you’ll find it in the pantry or a potted plant. One exciting morning, one of my kids went to get some ice for a drink, and out of the ice dispenser on the refrigerator door came the long-lost Roku remote.

You might think, “What a whimsical way to live!” I am more of that mindset as the years wear on. It’s sort of an if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry situation. Now we usually laugh, but I often used to cry.

Life can become stressful when there is a never-ending onslaught of seemingly minor frustrations (to speak nothing of the suffering of greater hardships). When anxiety creeps in, we might try to hold onto what we want even tighter.

I remember one night when my husband was out of town, and my other children were in bed. I wanted Paul also to go upstairs to sleep so I could have some much-needed reprieve, but he refused to go. My pleading, bribing and threatening had no effect, and he was too big to pick up. I cried frustrated tears. My anxiety was high, and I was holding on tight to what I wanted, apparently blind to the nearby couch where I could easily have rested.

I had to confront an uncomfortable reality: my own poverty. By poverty, I mean my vulnerability, utter dependence and lack of control. In this sense, to be human is to be poor.

As it turns out, I don’t get to have everything arranged just so. Too often, this is how we try to achieve peace of heart. In Searching for and Maintaining Peace, a short and accessible spiritual read by Father Jacques Philippe, we learn that we cannot find peace by eliminating all external causes of trouble, noise or suffering. The way to peace is by giving up control and trusting ourselves to God.

Peace can be hard to come by, but St. Paul (my son’s patron; this is not lost on me) talks about peace, even while imprisoned. In his letter to the Philippians, St. Paul tells us, “Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (4:6-7).

St. Paul brings prayer to the forefront, reminding us that we must lift our prayers and petitions to God. But let’s not forget that he tells us to do so with thanksgiving. If we are under stress, our requests may come quite naturally, even frenetically; being thankful may not, especially with our minds clouded with anxious thoughts.

St. Paul continues, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8).

Here, I think, he gives us especially timely wisdom. When the world wants to flood our minds with bad news, St. Paul tells us to fill our minds with goodness. If we think of all the good and do so with thanksgiving, we will grow in trust, and our anxiety just might be relieved.

Each day, call to mind the good things God has done and remember that he takes care of us. He is with us, sustaining us in good times and in bad.

Gratitude helps us move beyond our anxiety and into a posture of receiving Christ in each moment. When we embrace our poverty and surrender ourselves to God in the moment, we are on the path of peace.