Thomas Vander Woude and Love Like the Father

The saint-in-the-making was known for his faithful love for his family — a love that sacrificed himself to save his son with Down Syndrome — and now gives a powerful example for fathers and families worldwide.

Thomas Vander Woude (Photo: Courtesy of Christendom College)

At times, the stories of the saints can seem so ancient that there is a danger we will consider them too different from us, cut from a different cloth, as it were. It can be easy to think of the saints as ancient mythological figures we can admire, but not seriously imitate.

It seems one of the sweetest mercies of God that he never tires of raising up new examples of holiness for us. We have just celebrated the canonization of the first millennial saint, Carlo Acutis, but, God willing, he may soon be joined with many other canonized members of his own generation (Chiara Corbella Petrillo, Niña Ruiz Abad, Michelle Duppong, to name a few whose causes have been opened).

Among these modern holy ones, one name strikes me personally: Tom Vander Woude.

Tom lived in Virginia. He was father to seven children and married to his high school sweetheart, Mary Ellen. My parents knew him from when they lived on the East Coast in the 90s. When we learned of his death, then, it wasn’t because it was a major news story, but because it was of personal and familial significance.

Tom had been working to winterize the pool with his 20-year-old son, Joseph (“Josie”). Joseph was the youngest of Tom’s seven sons and had Down Syndrome. He was supposed to be helping his dad, but when Tom looked around, he couldn’t see him anywhere.

Suddenly, he noticed the cover to the septic tank had broken — and Joseph had fallen in.

The tank was more than 6 feet deep, and Joseph was struggling in the sewage. Tom knew Joseph would either drown or suffocate in the toxic fumes if he didn’t act immediately. Tom called for help, told his wife to call 911 and then leapt into the sewage to save his son.

Saints are Born

Tom grew up with a big family in a small house on a farm in South Dakota. His parents were devout Catholics, and instilled a love of the faith in Tom from an early age.

Tom loved flying. He served his country in the US Navy and later worked as a commercial airline pilot. But flying, especially when deployed with the Navy, was difficult for him because it meant being away from his wife and their growing family. He once wrote to her that this was especially true when he was at Mass.

When Tom got out of the Navy, he and his wife decided the schools around where they lived, even the Catholic schools, were not conducive to raising their children in the faith. They found a solidly Catholic school in Manassas, Virginia, which offered a boarding option. But Tom would not live away from his children: 

“If the boys go,” he said, “we ALL go.”

The family bought a 27-acre plot of land near Manassas. Tom, who always wanted to be with his sons (they now had 7), had the property subdivided so that each of them would have sufficient land to build their own house someday.

Peter Westhoff, a former teacher at Seton, the school where the Vander Woude boys attended, remembered Tom telling him, “I don’t want any of the boys to ever leave. I’d love to have them around me all my life.”

Two of his sons still live on the parcels of land he had subdivided for them.

Saints are Formed

In 2001, a new parish, Holy Trinity, was being established at Brentsville District High School. Tom and Mary Ellen worked to set up and tear down for Mass every Sunday. Tom was available to assist with whatever needed to be done for the Church, including building, cleaning or any other tasks the priests required.

Many of their sons served as altar servers, and two of them went on to become priests. Tom ran the altar server training program.

Tom had a deep and serious devotion to Our Lady. He made sure the family prayed the Rosary together daily (this was always his first recommendation to keep a family Catholic). They attended Mass every Sunday. Tom was a daily communicant and kept a Holy Hour every week from 2:00 a.m. to 3:00 a.m.

Dan, Tom and Mary Ellen’s third son, said of his father, “Those were the things in front of us that we saw of our father. In this culture, which is selling a lot of stuff, I had a father on his knees who was showing me how to be a man of God.”

Tom began a new tradition to honor Our Lady. He and Mary Ellen hosted a few hundred people annually at their family farm, where Tom arranged for speakers to come and teach about the faith. They also held Marian Processions around their farm in which they sang hymns and prayed the Rosary.

After the procession, the entire group would gather for a potluck meal. This event was so important to the local community that after one of their sons was ordained, the family hosted another Marian Procession. Hundreds of guests gathered together to honor Our Lady and thank God for a new priest.

Stories of Tom’s love and generosity are not hard to find. Neighbors recalled how he was always ready and eager to help anyone — from co-signing a loan to buy a townhouse to coaching soccer, despite having no previous experience. A neighbor told The Washington Post, “[Tom] was the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back … And if he didn’t have one, he’d buy one for you.”

The Father Who Loves His Son

He kept Josie above the waste as long as he could, while his wife pulled from above. When he could no longer do that, he got beneath Josie and held him above the waste until help arrived.

The paramedics arrived and were able to pull Joseph out, who is alive to this day. But Tom had already fallen beneath the waste.

Tom died saving his son. He died because he loved his son. He died doing what fathers do: he died because he loved his son more than his own life.

Tom, who was so devoted to his family and Our Lady, went on to his reward on September 8th, the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin. His funeral was on September 15th, the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows.

The story of Tom’s sacrificial death quickly caught fire. It spread across Virginia rapidly and was soon picked up by both The Washington Post and The National Catholic Register. The Washington Post reported more than 2,000 people attended Tom’s funeral, including over 70 priests and Arlington Bishop Paul Loverde.

At the funeral, Bishop Loverde called Tom’s death “truly saintly … the crown of a whole life of self-giving.”

The story of this father’s love for his son spread across the country — even to Spain. Dan recalled, “I’ve heard from many friends that his story is inspiring other husbands and fathers for how they should be leading their daily lives.”

Tom’s cause for canonization has been aided by the Tom Vander Woude Guild and is now officially being investigated by the Diocese of Arlington, Virginia. At the funeral, Bishop Loverde prayed that “we find in [Tom’s] life inspiration and strength.” He, who has already begun to inspire countless fathers and husbands around the country, continues to be a source of inspiration for men and women around the world, not just by his death, but by the life he lived.

One of his sons, Bob, said, “It’s so right that [dad] died saving one of us.”

“The One Thing”

Tom’s sacrifice didn’t come “out of nowhere,” but was the fruit of an entire life lived in humble and loving service of his vocation as husband and father. Tom sacrificed himself for his son that day because he had been sacrificing himself for his family every day.

Tom loved being a father and a husband. There was no question where his priorities stood.

Tom embodied the Beatitude, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). 

Søren Kierkegaard, the 19th-century theologian and philosopher, suggested that this kind of purity of heart is “to will one thing.” This is something Bishop Barron has often mentioned: “To be a saint, to be holy, to be blessed, is to desire one thing.”

Tom desired one thing.

There was no ambiguity about what Tom’s life was about. There was no question about what his mission was. As a father, as a husband, as a Catholic: everything Tom did was about the one thing.

Tom responded daily to that one thing: at 2 a.m. for his Holy Hour, when his sons’ school needed a soccer coach, when a family friend had no place to stay and when there was cause for joy or sorrow.

On September 8th, 2008, Tom responded again to the one thing.

Tom lived for the one thing: to “see God.”

Tom died well because he lived well, and he lived well because his eyes were fixed on God, where his heart and all his treasure lay.

God the Father, help us that we may do the same.