On Shame, Sex and Sacredness: A Theology of the Body Reflection

(Photo: Lightstock)

Back when I was giving talks to teenagers, there was always a point in the presentation where the audience knew we were getting dangerously close to discussing s-e-x. At that point, I would say, “I know what you’re thinking. ‘Oh no, she’s going to talk about sex. Please don’t let her talk about the details. I get so embarrassed.’ And then, ‘How come I get so embarrassed anyway? There must be something wrong with me, and I’m going to grow up to be some kind of weird, sexually hung-up adult.’ And then, ’How does this lady know I think all of this?’”

One mother told me that, after school, her junior-high-age son ran out to the car and breathlessly said, “Mom, this lady knew what we were thinking!”

I knew because it’s normal. Which was why, much to their relief, we didn’t discuss those details. But what we have lost in our society is the sense of why it is normal.

In the Garden, Adam and Eve were “naked and not ashamed.” Because the love between them was perfect, nakedness was safe. But then they sinned, and the first thing they did was to cover up. Why?

As we have discussed, the meaning of the body and of sexual expression did not change. What did change was the human heart, which is now capable of treating the other as an object of use rather than of love. And so, Pope St. John Paul II said, “shame” entered the world.

Now, the word “shame” can be defined in a lot of different ways. The Theology of the Body gives us a positive definition. It is the inclination to hide that which is good, but vulnerable to misuse or abuse. Like the body, and especially its sexual parts.

Pope St. John Paul said, “It is one thing to be conscious that the value of sex as a part of all the rich storehouse of values with which the female appears to the man. It is another to ‘reduce’ all the personal riches of femininity to that single value, that is, of sex, as a suitable object for the gratification of sexuality itself.” 

In other words, the purest form of sexual attraction occurs as part of a larger attraction to the person and the totality of his or her traits, personality, virtues, etc. But outside of Eden, we can reduce a precious, infinitely valuable person merely to his or her sexual parts, as instruments of our own gratification. The natural attraction to bodies is not wrong; it is spontaneous and involuntary. But seeking that pleasure in isolation, entertaining the possibility of using, reducing that person in our minds or intentions to an instrument for our satisfaction — that is wrong.

And so we cover those parts. Because they distract from our ability to focus on the person, to see the complete, precious image and likeness of God we see before us.

Human beings come into the world with a natural embarrassment at detailed sexual discussions. Do you remember as a child feeling deeply troubled by any kind of remotely sexual information? As an adult, have you “blushed” at hearing something explicit?

For generations, we have believed that this reaction must be rooted in some kind of inherited Puritan repression, that we react negatively because we believe that sex is dirty or evil. Prudery, the belief that human sexuality is bad, definitely exists in our world. It is an error, a lie, a distortion. But I don’t believe these reactions are an example of prudery. I believe they are part of God’s design. I believe that he created us to be uncomfortable publicly discussing explicit sexual details. Not because sex is bad or dirty or evil. Quite the opposite. We react this way because human sexuality is sacred.

The word “sacred” means set apart, something that is so good, so beautiful that we place it in a separate category. We don’t treat it in the same way we treat the mundane aspects of our everyday existence. The Eucharist is sacred. We believe that it is truly the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ. And so we don’t leave it lying around the house. We place it in a tabernacle, surrounded by lit candles. We genuflect when we pass before it. We set it apart from everyday life.

Human sexual expression is likewise sacred. It is this beautiful, private world where a husband and a wife share the deepest, most intimate aspects of their shared love. It is a realm that belongs to them alone. And it is so powerful that it is the act by which God creates new human lives with eternal souls. One can see why perhaps he wouldn’t want us discussing it the same way we discuss football.

In our culture, we have utterly lost our sense of the sacred, that anything, but particularly the body and sexuality, could be so important and amazing that we treat it with a special reverence.

I think it’s time we restore that sense of sacredness.