“Let Them” and Let God: A Catholic Take on Mel Robbins’ Viral Self-Help Idea
- Mallory Smyth
- 4 hours ago
- 5 min read
Her two-word theory promises peace through detachment, yet Christ alone brings healing that no self-help formula can provide.
You know the feeling. One moment, life is great, and the next, you are free-falling into despair. Why? Because you opened Instagram and saw your friends hanging out without you.
You start to spiral as you ask incessantly: Why didn’t they invite me? What did I do? What is wrong with me? Seven hours later, you're ashamed because you’re still thinking about it. Your plans for the day, maybe even the week, have been completely sidetracked, and your self-esteem has been destroyed.
Each of us regularly faces seemingly small situations that thrust us into emotional meltdowns. A coworker gets promoted and jealousy, resentment and discouragement consume us. Relationships change and we stew in anger over false stories. We spend way too much of our energy trying to change people and their opinions.
Doesn’t it all sound so exhausting? That’s because it is. We know this kind of behavior is bad, but we don’t know how to stop.
In her recent book, The Let Them Theory, author, speaker and podcast host Mel Robbins seeks to help us break the cycle — to stop wasting energy on what we can’t change and focus on what we can.
How does she propose we do that? With two words, “Let Them.”
A Self-Help Path to Freedom
“The Let Them Theory is about freedom. Two simple words — Let Them — will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people,” Robbins claims. “When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and start living” (p.18).
The Let Them Theory, which has sold over seven million copies, has two components: let them and let me. Throughout the book, Robbins guides the reader on how to apply each technique in various scenarios, such as overcoming the fear of others’ opinions, managing chronic comparison, navigating adult friendships, coping with other people’s struggles and maintaining healthy romantic relationships.
The first part of the theory is let them. We let people be who they are, even when it is frustrating, disappointing or annoying. Try as we might, we can’t control others, and when we try, we waste our energy on what we can’t change instead of what we can. Letting them separates us from others’ actions so we can take responsibility for what we do next. When we let people have their opinions, feel a certain way about us, cancel plans or make choices we wouldn’t, we are free to focus on our response instead of tying our happiness to someone else’s behavior.
The second part of the theory is let me. In Robbins’ own words, “When you say Let Me, you take responsibility for what you do next. What I love about Let Me is that it immediately shows you what you can control. And there's so much you can control: your attitude, your behavior, your values, your needs, your desires and what you do in response to what just happened” (p. 45).
Self-Help is Good, But the Gospel is Better
Although Robbins is not a Christian, she does offer her readers a deeply Christian service — honesty. One of the most refreshing aspects of the book is her kind yet firm reminder that we live in a valley of tears: life isn’t fair, people will think negative thoughts about you, and relationships end. When we stop kidding ourselves and accept that bad experiences and broken relationships are, unfortunately, a normal part of life, we handle them much better.
While Robbins’ new book is a good read, and Robbins herself is a great cheerleader, it’s important to know that her advice falls short of the Truth found in the Gospel message.
Like many self-help trends, The Let Them Theory promises that if we follow a certain formula, we will experience life-changing fulfillment and happiness. Robbins claims that if we just master the perfect amount of self-discipline or mental gymnastics, we will finally achieve the life of our dreams.
But the foundational promise of a changed life can only go so far without God. The reality of original sin and its grip on us limits any happiness we try to find apart from the Lord. As St. Augustine teaches, our hearts are restless until they rest in him.
We can always improve the way we think and behave, but we will never fully eradicate suffering, internally or externally, on this side of Heaven. We obsess and ruminate over things because our wills, passions and intellects are at war within us. This dysfunction is a result of sin, a power we will never overcome on our own.
The Let Them Theory may offer good tools to break out of destructive cycles, but it cannot provide what we truly need: healing for our broken hearts, redemption from sin, divine transformation and a path back into communion with the God who made us. Only God’s grace, won by Jesus Christ, freely given and received, can perform such a miracle. And it is only when we are willing to go to him again and again, humble and contrite, that he changes us from the inside out.
A friend suggested I read The Let Them Theory because I had confided in her that I was drowning in resentment over a recent experience. It’s something over which I had no control, and yet I could not let go of my bad feelings. I knew they were wrong. I knew they were a barrier to my happiness. I knew they were spiritually dangerous. I didn’t want to think and feel the way I did, but I couldn’t help it. They plagued me when I woke up in the morning, if I was quiet too long or if I went on a long run.
Robbins’ book was helpful, and I am glad I read it, but I wasn’t fully set free from that emotional torture until something else happened. On a random Wednesday, I was in my car, praying a Rosary, not even thinking of that relationship, when all of a sudden, I felt the resentment leave my body. I had been praying about it and letting them for months. But it was in a moment of grace when God, in his goodness, ushered in a level of healing I could not have facilitated on my own.
So yes, The Let Them Theory can be helpful, and you should use it for what it’s worth, but only if it ultimately brings you to the foot of the Cross. Throughout every self-help trend, the truth never changes: it is only in Christ that you will truly find what you are looking for.
