Jesus Gives Us Excess So Others Can Have Access

Worldly success promised fulfillment, but left me restless. Only Jesus gave me freedom and abundant life.

(Photo: Lightstock)

It was just a cigarette. What was the big deal?

I grabbed it from my friend and lit it. He whipped out another and did the same. The smoke we exhaled danced and twirled in front of the city lights spread out below.

We were at a production studio’s Christmas party in the Hollywood Hills, surrounded by some of the world’s most well-known faces. Part of me felt a connection with my friend as I accepted his offer to share a smoke. Another part of me felt captivated by the prospect of being one of the “cool kids” at a gathering of the coolest kids. But another part of me — a small part I did my best to ignore — felt captive.

Captive to the opinions of those around me.

Captive to my fear of rejection.

Captive to my thirst for success.

Captive.

Deep down, I knew it wasn’t just a cigarette that I held in my fingers. I mean, I didn’t even smoke.

Deep down, I knew that my yes to this cigarette reflected my yeses to other, more problematic compromises. I knew that I was enslaved to what people thought of me and that I consistently jeopardized myself as a result.

This cigarette was far from just a cigarette; it was the dart that hit the bullseye on my existential restlessness.

And this party was a microcosm of my life. On paper, I was living the dream. But in reality, I was absolutely torn. I was a thousand different versions of myself to a thousand different people, never quite fully myself to anyone. My life was flashy, but it was exhausting.

It unfortunately took me years of floundering in the entertainment industry and looking to Hollywood to fulfill the deep longings of my heart until my life hit a tipping point. I fought and clawed until I had to face the daunting reality of life: no level of success would ever be enough.

No amount of notoriety would ever be enough.

No social circle would ever be enough.

Nothing could firmly and sustainably satisfy me.

By the grace of God, I eventually made a firm commitment to channel my restless energy into encountering the Lord and growing in the faith that I had always claimed but never quite cherished.

There would be no more compromising.

No more valuing other things and other people above the Lord.

No more placing my worth and identity in other things and other people.

I was going to throw my chips all-in for Jesus.

I dove into prayer, making sure that I spent time in silence every day with the Lord. I dove into the Word and the Catechism. I watched videos and read articles on Church teachings that I wrestled with. I developed a routine of going to Confession with regularity. And I dedicated more time to men also chasing a relationship with Jesus.

What I experienced in the months and years after that pivotal decision changed the trajectory of my life forever.

It didn’t happen overnight, but I gradually felt lifted from the various forms of self-consciousness that had bogged me down my entire life. I slowly grew confident in myself because I slowly grew confident in the one to whom I belonged. I steadily felt liberated to say “no” when I knew I should say “no” and “yes” when I knew I should say “yes.”

My life didn’t become perfect, just to be clear. Far from it. There were difficulties and sufferings along the way (and there still are) — many difficulties and sufferings. 

But a slow and subtle transformation happened inside of me, a very real transformation that led me to feel more like myself than ever before.

And something curious happened as that transformation unfolded.

Little by little, new desires welled up within me, and the need to be a “success” dried up.  A new longing surfaced and occupied my heart’s desire: to bring as many people to Jesus as possible.

I began asking deeper questions to friends and engaging in fruitful, spiritual conversations. Jesus came up more naturally in my dialogue. I became more intentional in how I spent time with others. I grew much more patient with loved ones who thought differently.

I wanted people to experience what I was experiencing. 

In his encyclical on the Church’s mandate to mission, Redemptoris missio, Pope St. John Paul II wrote, “To the question, ‘why mission?’ we reply with the Church's faith and experience that true liberation consists in opening oneself to the love of Christ” (RM 11).

Translation: We evangelize because we have experienced the freedom Christ offers.

Later in that same document, Pope St. John Paul II gave another reason for the question, ‘Why mission?’

“We know, however, that Jesus came to bring integral salvation, one which embraces the whole person and all mankind, and opens up the wondrous prospect of divine filiation” (RM 11).

Translation: We evangelize because we have experienced the wholeness Christ offers.

In writing these monthly columns for the past year, I’ve been trying to provide little nuggets of inspiration for the beautiful people of my Archdiocese to embrace lives on mission — to move the needle ever so slightly on the missional activity within our families, parishes and neighborhoods. But the humbling truth is that these columns mean nothing unless someone has first drunk deeply from the freedom and wholeness of Christ and experienced true transformation in their life.

In John 10:10, Jesus says, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” The Greek word for “abundantly” is perisson, and it could be translated as “excess” or “beyond what is necessary.”

Which begs the question: Jesus came to give us an excess of life? What’s that all about?

Jesus came to give us an excess of life so that the excess can be given to others, so that others can experience freedom and wholeness in their lives and become vessels of freedom for others.

He gives us excess so others can have access.

Like a chocolate fondue fountain, Jesus came to fill us up so we can overflow to others, and then they can overflow to others and so on.

In Luke 6:45, Jesus says, “The good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good, and the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil; for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.”

Evangelization happens when someone receives Christ into their life, and the abundance of that encounter then bursts forth to those around them. The more I dive into evangelical strategies and missional tactics, the more I’m convinced of this simple truth: encountering the freedom and wholeness of Christ is the only way significant, fruitful evangelization happens.

And so I beg you, beautiful friends of the Archdiocese of Denver.

Run to Jesus.

Anchor the full weight of your identity in him.

Tether your worth to his infinite glory.

Experience the liberation and fullness he wants to give you.

Receive the excess of life that is possible only through him.

And then pass it on.