How One Northern Colorado Parish is Preparing Couples for a Lifetime of Marriage, Not Just a Wedding Day
- Guest Contributor
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Our Lady of the Valley's mentor-based marriage prep program forms newlyweds in faith, communication and community.
By Joe Donelson
"With this program as good as it is, I just want to share it,” said Karen Boglioli, director of marriage and family life at Our Lady of the Valley (OLV) Parish in Windsor.
The Northern Colorado church boasts a congregation of over 2,000 families, which means a lot of weddings. Every year, close to 30 newlywed couples go through the OLV marriage prep program. Including convalidations, or blessings of marriages that took place outside of the Church, Our Lady of the Valley can host up to 50 weddings a year, which means Boglioli needs help.
"Without our mentor couples, we could not run the program,” said Boglioli, referencing the 15 married couples currently acting as newlywed mentors, and the five to seven more couples looking to join.
"The diocese wants the couples to meet individuals who have been married for a while,” she explained. “I think there's a little barrier where couples are getting married and they don't know what the future looks like, and the mentors are able to be there as unbiased supporters."
Elaine and Pete Steppel are one such OLV couple offering their support as a mentor couple. Having joined the program in December 2023, they’re now on their fifth mentee couple. As mentors, they invite soon-to-be-married mentees into their home and life to provide insight and support. Through the program, they also offer a neutral ground to host difficult conversations that are often overlooked before marriage.
“I think most people are just ready for the wedding day, but they have to make the effort beforehand,” said Elaine. “Remember that it is a covenant. It’s not just a quick decision; it’s lifelong. You need the community that surrounds you to reflect that commitment.”
"It's good to make sure our couples are a little more prepared for what they’re getting into and how to handle situations once they are married,” said Pete. “I think it’s most important if, through this program, the couples can learn how to communicate with each other. Bringing up the tough topics and being able to tackle those. If you have a grasp on how to talk, then you’ll have a fruitful marriage.”
“It helps you as well, as an already married couple, to think about some of those conversations for your own marriage,” added Elaine.
"The mentors help them discern, they pray over the couples, we ask them to go to Mass together,” said Boglioli. “We want them to continue walking with them, especially after the wedding."
The purpose of a marriage prep program isn’t to prepare the couple for the wedding day, but rather for a lifetime of marriage. Our Lady of the Valley takes the lifelong commitment of marriage seriously and shapes its program to meet the needs of newlyweds after their big day.
“When I first came on, we didn't have any programming that offered couples anything after the sacrament, so they go through all the marriage prep, and what we found is it's like this cliff,” said Boglioli. "We don't want to just throw classes at people, helping them with their sacrament, and then put our hands up and go, 'Good luck!'
"So, there's a missing link there,” she continued. “We've worked to make sure the mentor couples reach out after the wedding. I'm reaching out after too, sending cards, calling — I like to call and ask them if they need to be prayed for — and then I like to see when the anniversaries are coming, just those personal touches."
After a few months of classes and meetings with a mentor couple, the program is finalized with a retreat that brings all the soon-to-be-weds together.
"We have classes for conflict and communication, finances and Theology of the Body,” Boglioli explained. “They also get to meet other couples and form relationships — outside of the mentorship, the retreat is my favorite part of my job."
The chance to get to know the community around them is one of those personal touches that hopes to ensure the couples won’t be forgotten after the sacrament is celebrated.
"One of the first days of the retreat, Karen forced us all to exchange phone numbers with the other couples, and it was nice to have that,” said Dillon, one of the recently married alumni of the OLV program. “It's really created a community that I wasn't expecting at all. We're all going through the same thing together, and we can all pray for each other and lean on each other. We have Bible studies and dinners all together now. Before the marriage prep, we didn't really know anyone in the parish."
Jacquelyn and Dillon Boal have been married for a little more than a year and recently had their first child. The preparation and community they received through the program has lit the way for their first year of marriage, and the many more to come.
"We walked in thinking we weren't going to learn much,” said Jacquelyn. “We've been together a while, but we regained our faith just a few years before the program, and it ended up helping us grow together in our faith and realize how important it is in a marriage. It's God first, and then each other. If we're not right with God, how are we going to keep it together?"
"A lot of people don't get the opportunity for this kind of reflection before they're married, and they discover things after they're married that they should've talked about,” Jacquelyn continued. “It was good to talk about that stuff before."
"I would love to give praise to Father Gregg Pedersen,” said Karen. “Because this program was his baby. His vision was remembering that engagement is discernment, and you do not have to get married just because you said yes, if that's not the Lord's will. In our retreat, he really pressed couples to think through things and make sure this is what they want, because this is for life. It’s elevated to a more serious level, rather than just being excited about the wedding and the flowers. And we're still going. When Fr. Sam Morehead stepped in, we didn't miss a beat. That's how we know it's good."
All of the classes, personal testimonies from ministry leaders, conversations with mentor couples, and continued community after the wedding make the Our Lady of the Valley marriage prep program an incredible experience. But the ultimate goal is to form strong marriages.
"I want the couples to walk away with a foundation that if difficulties come, they can make it," said Karen. "And I want them to always be driving towards Jesus."
