Conversion: A Lifelong Journey

(Photo by Daniel Petty/Denver Catholic)

As I look back upon my life, I am filled with gratitude to the Father who bestowed so many graces and blessings upon me. He truly sought me when I was lost and drew me closer into the love shared between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, especially through beauty. Beauty has revealed to me the grandeur of God, that someone has brought about the beauty of creation and that it is not just an accident.

I say with full conviction: my life is a pure gift, and the Lord has been generous to me. He has taught me that conversion is a lifelong journey. In this Denver Catholic testimony issue, I am delighted to share with you some pivotal moments in my life where Jesus revealed his love and called me to conversion.

Two books changed my life as a young man. The first was Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s The Cost of Discipleship. When I picked it up, I was a college student at the University of Colorado Boulder, away from the Church and living a typical worldly lifestyle. As I dove into Bonhoeffer’s ideas, I was struck by the concept of cheap grace versus costly grace. Cheap grace means that the salvation Jesus offers us costs us next to nothing. We do not need to convert, repent, change our lives, give up anything or acknowledge or avoid sin. It is cheap. But grace is costly! The price for salvation is everything; your whole life. The price to follow Jesus as his disciple could not be higher.

As I wrestled with this concept, the Holy Spirit began to convict me of the reality of Jesus Christ. I could no longer see Jesus as just a historical figure to be studied or some nice guy. I knew that Jesus was the truth and that he was the only person who could forgive sin and offer eternal life. The Holy Spirit also made me keenly aware that Jesus’ call to follow him is as real today as it was for the apostles. It means leaving everything to follow Jesus.

I knew that I needed to respond to Jesus’ invitation. It was at that moment that I resolved to follow Jesus as his disciple and began to let go of my worldly ambitions. The verse I associate with this experience comes from the Gospel of John, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32). The Holy Spirit convicted me of the truth of Jesus Christ, and it opened the door to begin walking in freedom with the Holy Trinity, a walk that continues today.

The second book that radically impacted my life was The Confessions of St. Augustine, which I first read in seminary. What struck me was the famous line, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” The restlessness that St. Augustine described resonated deeply with me because I experienced a lot of restlessness in many areas of my life. Through St. Augustine, Jesus invited me into a way of relating to God. He showed me that my restlessness was the consequence of not resting in him, not abiding in him.

The image of the vine in John 15 became very important to me at this time because it illumined a new way of life and a way to deal with my restlessness. To this day, the mystery of abiding and resting in Christ continues to unfold in my life. It helps me respond and grapple with temptations, life struggles and the mess that the world is in. When fruit is not being born, I must ask myself, “Where am I not abiding in Jesus? Where does the Father desire to prune me?”

As I mentioned earlier, conversion continues to deepen throughout our lives. To demonstrate this, I want to share an incredible gift of grace that I received as a bishop. In 2004, I went on my first 30-day silent retreat. I had been growing in the practice of Ignatian spirituality, experiencing several eight-day retreats where I encountered the spiritual exercises. This retreat was a profound source of grace and deeper conversion.

Through the exercises, I experienced a new depth in my relationship with the Father, Son, Holy Spirit and Mary. One grace became the overriding theme of the retreat and has stayed with me ever since. The theme is surrender.

Early on in the retreat, I decided to go to an ice cream parlor. When I walked in and was waiting in line, I overheard an intense discussion that a young couple was having. To my surprise, they were discussing the Eucharist. The woman was asking her date about Adoration, and the young man was witnessing to the power and benefit of spending time in front of the Lord. Curious, I continued to listen to see how the conversation unfolded.

At one point, the man shared that he and his friends would drive to Adoration in silence to prepare themselves. Baffled, the woman asked, “Why would you do that?” He replied, “It is because we are going to meet the Lord, and we must be prepared to give ourselves to him. It is all in the surrender of ourselves to him.”

The Holy Spirit encouraged me through those words. I swelled with joy and gratitude for the young man and hope for the couple. I possessed a deep awareness of my dependence on God and the need to surrender myself completely to his plan and his providence. The grace of surrender filled the rest of my retreat, and in many ways still characterizes the heart of my ministry as a bishop. “It is all in the surrender” echoes in my heart.

I am so grateful to God for these moments of conversion. In each one, he provided exactly what I needed to grow closer to him. In each conversion Jesus calls us into, he changes us and propels us forward toward our heavenly home. The grace we receive does not remain in the past but continues to unfold.

For me, I regularly preach about and encourage others with John 8:31-32. The image of the vine, John 15, that became so important to me over the years is the key image to understanding the mission of the Archdiocese of Denver. The call to surrender has been the theme of pastoral notes, retreats, the Surrender Novena Prayer card sent to all the parishes and so many other initiatives that have been sources of grace throughout my time as a bishop.

Conversion is a lifelong journey, and the unending grace of God continues to unfold and grow as we continue to say yes to Jesus. By grace and the eternal love of the Trinity, our hearts rest in Jesus, and we cry out with St. Paul in all humility and wonder, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20).