Catholic Marriages: Growing in Community

The importance of the Church and Christian friendship in healing and strengthening married life.

Lumen, a community of Catholic married couples. (Photo provided)

Loneliness is a phenomenon that does not arise only in the lives of people who lack strong friendships; it often extends to marriages as well. Just as it is not good for a person to be alone, the isolation of a couple can lead to countless problems, and even to failure. By contrast, God’s plan for marriage and the family entails communion; he calls us to go out to meet our neighbor, especially other families.

“We were created for communion from the beginning. As the book of Genesis says, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone’ (2:18). And this invitation extends to marriage,” said Sandra Morales, archdiocesan associate director of marriage preparation and enrichment. “Spouses belong to one another, but their relationship also has an ecclesial dimension.”

The phenomenon of isolation often hides behind the appearance of a busy life or a routine that has pushed silence out in favor of distraction and technology. When a couple rejects or neglects the call to communion, the consequences are often deeper than we can imagine.

“It is very sad to see when a couple isolates itself and believes it can move forward on its own. This often leads to failure or suffering,” Morales continued. “When life is lived this way, there is no growth or healing. They live from their own point of view, focus on their wounds and the family ceases to be what God calls it to be.”

However, friendship and community centered on Christ are essential for marriages that desire to follow God and live their vocation as God intended, that is, in its fullness.

“Friendships centered on Christ give us a space to grow and heal. Party friends cannot provide the space of understanding and healing that allows my relationship with Christ, with my husband or wife, and with my children to improve,” Morales said. “I need to have a relationship with Christ in order to relate well to my spouse and to others.”

It is precisely in Christ and in the Church that God’s plan for marriage takes on meaning, allowing couples to find in their vocation a path of holiness and fruitfulness. For Albino López and Mónica Ávila, parishioners at Queen of Peace Parish in Aurora, being part of the Lumen group, a small community of young Catholic married couples, has taught them that community is essential to the family.

“We felt it was important to be part of a community because it would give us structure, support, accompaniment and growth in the spiritual dimension of marriage,” Albino said. “If we isolate ourselves from other married couples, we get lost in this world full of responsibilities and forget that we belong to the Body of Christ and that we have the responsibility to grow in our faith and share it with others.”

Likewise, belonging to a marriage group has made it clear to Mónica that a Christ-centered community holds riches that help a marriage to thrive.

“There is so much beauty in marriage. God created it that way, and now he invites us to discover that beauty,” she said. “I believe we should be surrounded by Catholic marriages that help us see this. Their example gives us hope that marriage can be lived well and that it is something joyful, something that cannot be compared with the lies of the world.”

One of the greatest benefits of forming community with other married couples is the support couples give one another in difficult times.

“It is necessary to understand that a marriage can carry its relationship only so far on its own. For marriage and family life to work, they need to be incorporated into the people of God,” Morales said. “We need mutual support in the Christian life in order to grow. A man needs friends who help him when he cannot understand his wife, and so does a woman. In community, if a couple is suffering a crisis and cannot reach an agreement, they need a third person to help them identify the problem.”

This has been one of the great blessings Albino and Mónica have received through their community.

“At the beginning of our marriage, we had trouble adjusting. We argued a lot and did not appreciate one another,” Albino shared. “In the community, we received a great deal of support from the other couples. They prayed for us and encouraged us to improve our relationship. They were very honest with us because they saw our difficulties and shared what had helped them in the past and what we could try.”

Morales has witnessed, time and again, how Christ brings his healing to entire families when married couples come together in community to follow Christ and dare to be vulnerable with one another.

“As my husband and I have accompanied other couples, we have seen how they mature in their relationship, as a married couple, with God and with the community,” Morales said. “Once they encounter God, everything begins to make sense, and they start healing that relationship with their spouse and children. Community is important because it sustains us in a goal and helps us persevere.”

Morales invites all married couples not to be afraid to seek friendships and Christ-centered communities in their parish. In cases where one spouse isn’t ready to approach the Church, she encourages the one who is open to take the risk and make the step, “because God enters the family through one.” Although at times it is necessary to patiently endure, waiting for a husband or wife to draw closer to God, perseverance is essential, demonstrating through actions and one’s own change of life that God is real.

“I would tell married couples not to give up, to look for a community where they can feel understood, and to ask their priest to help them find it,” Mónica said.

“And it is important to remember that marriage is a vocation and therefore must be taken seriously,” Albino concluded. “We live in a world where, if we don’t like something, we get rid of it. But marriage is a covenant centered on God that cannot be discarded. That is why we need a community to help us live it well and to see it as a call to grow.”